May 2012
accidentally sent Dad a text that says “;)” instead of “:)”
good
The following quotations are taken from official...
Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
Witness: "I only have one, you know."
-----
Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
Witness: "By death."
Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"
-----
Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"
The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.
-----
Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"
Witness: "July 15th."
Lawyer: "What year?"
Witness: "Every year."
-----
Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."
-----
Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
Witness: "Er...his face."
-----
Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
Witness: "I forget."
Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?"
-----
Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"
Witness: "Forty-five years."
-----
Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
Witness: "My name is Susan."
-----
Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
-----
Lawyer: "What happened then?"
Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"
Witness: "No."
-----
Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
-----
Lawyer: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
-----
Lawyer: "So you were gone until you returned?"
-----
Lawyer: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"
-----
Lawyer: "Were you alone or by yourself?"
-----
Witness: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Lawyer: "Was this a male or a female?"
-----
Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture."
Witness: "That's me."
Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"
-----
Lawyer: "Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"
-----
Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
Witness: "I'll be three months on November 8."
Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "What were you doing at that time?"
-----
Lawyer: "She had three children, right?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "How many were boys?"
Witness: "None."
Lawyer: "Were there girls?"
-----
Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
-----
Lawyer: "What is your brother-in-law's name?"
Witness: "Borofkin."
Lawyer: "What's his first name?"
Witness: "I can't remember."
Lawyer: "He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"
Witness: "No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"
-----
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"
Witness: "No."
-----
Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."
-----
Lawyer: "Were you acquainted with the deceased?"
Witness: "Yes sir."
Lawyer: "Before or after he died?"
-----
Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."
-----
Lawyer: "And what did he do then?"
Witness: "He came home, and next morning he was dead."
Lawyer: "So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"
-----
Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
Witness: "I could see his head."
Lawyer: "And where was his head?"
Witness: "Just above his shoulders."
-----
Lawyer: "Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
Witness: "The victim lived."
Things I learned in today’s three hour lecture:
Flash has an inkpot tool
Things that I really did not need to know:
Flash has an inkpot tool
Things it was worth getting out of bed for:
1 tag
homagetoalltherabbits:
5moremonths:
homagetoalltherabbits:
5moremonths:
my neck is quite sore
OH MY GOODNESS I TOLD YOU I WOULD SLEEP ON THE FLOOR! I’m print screening this post only to rub it in your face should I ever again engage in sleepovers. In other news, your bed was marvelous and I slept like a log :D
Haha noooooo it was not sore because of that
my neck is usually sore
Mum...
Helena Bonham-Carter: Everybody has an inferiority complex when they step into a room. But then when you have children and you get older, it doesn’t really matter. When I was young I had so many inferiority complexes. I had an inferiority complex because I didn’t go to university. I had an inferiority complex because I didn’t train. Then it gets tiring. And you do get bored of it.
Daniel Radcliffe: Right. And so that boredom is actually what ultimately leads you to go, “Oh, fuck it.”
Helena Bonham-Carter: “Fuck it” is my guiding philosophy.
“And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul,...”
– Sylvia Plath (via selfinspiration)
1 tag
I get that Nokia has a fancy new invincible smartphone and all
but I got my 3315 for 80 bucks
so unless they release this fancy shmancy new fangled touch-screen-uber-brick for roughly the same cost
I will remain unconvinced
monogrammedloveletters:
svart—svenska:
...
An open letter to 2SER's management (Namely...
litttleboxofdressups:
To whom it may concern,
Walking up the stairs at 2SER for the first time, I was nervous and concerned that I would not be experienced, knowledgeable or confident enough to volunteer at the station. A few minutes after introducing himself to me, Mark emailed me several press releases, a number of contacts and a copy of the volunteer handbook. In a couple of hours, I had...
Here's a story because I'm sitting in front of the...
litttleboxofdressups:
Once when I was on a camping trip with my significant other at the time, I was upset at him because he went to sleep at 4pm and left my on my own in the wilderness. It was raining but I had six strongbows. Because I had not asked my dad what to do with the tent in case of rain, I had done it wrong. Therefore, the tent was dripping with water, horribly. Unfortunately, though...
sylviaintraining:
Things that are good:
The fox that lives in the Cross
When your editor tells you that your submission is “completely unlike anything else submitted”
When the bottom of your laptop is really warm and the day is cold and it heats your lap up all nice and toasty
Really comfortable old beat-up sneakers
The Sandstone Report
Unexpectedly seeing pretty people around campus
...
clumsyoctopus:
life rules
- you are never as awkward as you think you are - you are never as annoying as you think you are - you are never as boring as you think you are - your compliments are never as creepy as you think they are - you are way more wanted than you give yourself credit for - chin up, dude
the rulz I braek them
elfieatlanticx:
Why does the plumbing in this house always insist on breaking when I am a) ill and b) Jaine isn’t here.
Why do the plumbing gods hate me!? WHYYYY?
you need to sacrifice more…
um
plumbs
1 tag
homagetoalltherabbits:
5moremonths:
my neck is quite sore
OH MY GOODNESS I TOLD YOU I WOULD SLEEP ON THE FLOOR! I’m print screening this post only to rub it in your face should I ever again engage in sleepovers. In other news, your bed was marvelous and I slept like a log :D
Haha noooooo it was not sore because of that
my neck is usually sore
Mum would say this is because I have terrible...
